Friday, November 25, 2011

Damned if I do and damned if I don't - Shake it out Pt 1

The moment I heard the new single from Florence + the Machine I knew I'd found my new mantra. "Shake it Out" says everything I've been feeling for the past year and everything I want for my future- to shake the demons who want their pound of flesh off my back and dance.

I think I'm at the point of the bridge of the song right now:
I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
so here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
and I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
If you read my previous post than it's not really a secret that I've felt tortured by my new beliefs but I don't see how I can ever just ignore everything I've learned and seen. Ignore all the thoughts and doubts that have run through my head and go back to my old life. At this point I feel damned either way. Either I live feeling damned because I'm too afraid to believe in any other afterlife than the one I've always imagined or I follow my heart. That will still mean suffering because friends and family won't understand and maybe it will mean damnation- but right now I'm choosing to trust my hope that God is bigger. That his love is bigger. That salvation is complex. That grace is overwhelming and "... all the wickedness in the world which man may do or think is no more to the mercy of God than a live coal dropped in the sea."

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