Friday, October 19, 2012

After a Long Absence

Ahhh... I love writing. I love it. Seeing the words and releasing the feelings. I've loved this blog, even when I'm not writing for it. Just knowing it's there with all my truth and thinking of how it's drawn Sara and I close to each other's hearts. This blog has brought me so much peace. I relish it.

I've been gone for awhile because I've been keeping a great, enormous, terrifying wonderful secret and even though I don't think that anyone from my actual immediate life (aside from Sara) reads this, I had to wait to write it until we got over the hump. As of last Wednesday I'm 13 weeks pregnant and basically my entire brain has been taken up with this knowledge since the day two lines showed up on the test. It's amazing I can get anything done.

Along with the joy has come the anxiety, fear, worry, confusion, etc of realizing the enormous responsibility of caring for and teaching another human. A real person, just like me, with a heart and soul, mind and thoughts, just like me. It's astonishing, awe-inspiring, terrifying. A friend asked me the other day, what am I going to teach the baby about God? Will I be angry if she gives them a children's Bible?

I told her bring on the children's Bible, but not the brand with the cartoon people with the bug eyes. I don't cotton to them. Their bug eyes freak me out. Plus they make the Bible look WAY too cheery. Like, "Lala... then happy cartoon David killed scowling cartoon Goliath! Yay!" None of that shenanigans. The illustrated Bible I had growing up had realistic pictures. Goliath had blood spurting off of his face where that stone hit him. I am not making this up.

The other question was just too big to answer. It's going to be complicated with my spouse and I not really seeing eye to eye on who we believe God is and how God interacts with us. I guess it's going to be a case of "Mommy thinks this, Daddy thinks this, what do you think?" The hardest part is going to be church. But that might be another post for another day.

In conclusion for today, if you pray, pray for me. For my growing baby, for my worries, for wisdom. For my wonderful husband who is being a perfect angel to me and baby but is full of worries of his own. We're the typical first time parents, worrying about everything, vowing that WE'RE gonna raise our kids better than THAT and such. Even though it's scary, I love it. This is the most magical experience.